Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Letter to Myself As a New Mom

This is the letter I'm sure I'd want to read years ago when the diapers and sleepless nights had just began. Also those tiring first days in the hospital when breastfeeding was just not working.

Dear New Mom,

You're alive! You made it through the most horrible and most extraordinary experience of your life. That Cesarean section was not planned, and it may have almost taken your life but you're here. The nurses are not helpful with nursing and they are pushing formula on your new baby girl. You know this is wrong, but you just don't know what to do. She wont latch on right and your toes are curling from the pain. When she starts losing weight they will give you no choice but to supplement. Yet, you persevere. You want this to work and you will give it your all. Nursing is not always easy.

Do not get discouraged over this. It will get easier. Find the lactation nurse. She knows what she is doing. The first six weeks of nursing will seem like an uphill battle, but it gets better. You may want to give up right now but later on you will be so proud. A few months from now you will be extremely happy. Your nursing relationship will improve and you will educate yourself as you should have during your pregnancy.

Becoming pregnant again was not on you to do list. It will happen a lot sooner then you want it to. Your baby is 12 weeks old and you are just getting a handle on things. You're scared and don't know how you'll make it. This will pass. You are a strong woman and a great mother. 

You are not perfect, no mother is. You are beautiful. Even with the stretchmarks. 

You will sleep through the night again. You will have a clean home again. You will wear pre-baby clothes again. Take it one day at a time. 

Soon you will have three young children and it will just come naturally just as you wish it would now. It takes hard work and you have worked so hard to become the woman you are.

You will be in college and juggling life as a mom of three. You may not lose all that baby weight but you have those three precious babies. 

Just know that you will successfully breastfeed all of your children and do so in public without a care. 

You are strong!

Baby #3
The road ahead looks tough, I'm sure. There will be days when you are sad and don't understand why. You are overwhelmed and exhausted. This time may seem like it will never end, but somehow you will find a way. 
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Monday, January 7, 2013

What Is Your Dream Job, and Why?

When I was in Junior High and High school I never gave much thought into what I wanted to be when i grew up. Honestly, I thought I would never know. Stressing about it was not something i wanted to do. Yet, I did.

Here we are so many years later. I'm a mother of three young children. Also, currently in my third painful year of college. Seriously, three years and I'm still considered a freshmen. I'm not completely sure which bothers me more. The fact it has been three years and I'm not a Nurse yet or the fact that I'm still a freshmen.

Nevertheless, I am in college and I am making it one step at a time towards my goals. I love being a stay at home mom. Also, I love working. 

When I was 16 years old I became a C.N.A. There have been times of unemployment, but that is what I consider being a stay at home mom. As of right now I am staying home so I can also go to school. It just was not practical to do both. The last semester was a failure. But honestly who can make it through dissecting a cat while being pregnant? Somehow I made it through almost half of that semester, and had to drop it. My morning sickness was unbearable. Yet I hid it very well. The first 19 weeks of the pregnancy with baby girl were horrible. I did not gain any weight really until the third trimester. Which was OK for me, so don't panic. She was healthy and 7.6 lbs. 

I love children, babies especially. I have even thought of being a surrogate. Not sure how my husband would take that one. 

After thinking long and hard about what I wanted, and going through the notions I decided I want to be a Midwife. With my obsession over pregnancy, breastfeeding and everything baby this career just fits me. 

It will take 7 years of Nursing, and a Masters degree to reach that goal. Did I mention that I'm still a freshmen? 

Thankfully, I am almost done the pre-reqs for it. After this semester I have Physiology, Micro-biology, and a humanities elective. That is 2 or 3 more semesters. Maybe by then I will be a sophomore. Luckily I'm currently in my 20's and there is hope to make my goal before 30. Hopefully I'm not setting the bar up too high. 

With that said, wish me luck at braving another semester and cat dissection. 

What is your dream job?

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Sunday, January 6, 2013

If You Could Have Three Wishes, What Would You Wish For?

If you have been following me you know that I have been working on a series called 30 things my kids should know about me. 

I have a page dedicated to it at the top of my blog.

Maybe I am odd, but I just never really wish for anything. That being said, here is my three wishes. 

1. There are far to many stories of children being harmed, and murdered and I just want this to end. How can a mother harm her own child? 

2. Same goes for anything that hurts children (like dressers or book cases falling). I recently read this horrible story at Love, Light, Laughter and Chocolate that made be cringe and weap. Please, If you are like me and sad stories traumatize you then do not read her story. 

3. I wish that my children will grow up to amazing individuals. My wish for them is to be unique and caring. 

So there you have it. My three wishes. 

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Saturday, January 5, 2013

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5 things that make me most happy right now

It's time for another post from the 30 things series! Yay! This is actually a really fun topic. I'm not sure if my kids would be interested, but this is an excellent idea.

for my fifth post I am supposed to list 5 things that make me happy right now.

So Sew Mama is now apart of The Top Mommy Blogs network. For every click on the Top Mommy Blog badge I get one vote! You can do this everyday, and I would be so happy if you did.

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5 things that make me most happy right now

1. My children. This is the most obvious of all. All three of them bring me such incredible joy. Whether they are sticky, dirty, messy or clean they always manage to make me smile. I love these kids. Best kids ever.

2. Sewing! It is a new found passion and I do not know how I ever went on without it. I self taught myself and I have to say I have some pretty awesome skills. It brings me stress relief as well. Win win.

3. That man that I love so much! 

4. Our Home. It may not be as clean as we would like it be but it is ours. 

5. Being a student makes me happy. My 16 year old self would probably laugh at that. I had to take the fall semester off because I had baby girl the week school started but I go back in a few weeks and I am so happy to be able to go back. I'm sure it will be hard but I know I will have help. 

What are you most happy about right now?

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Friday, January 4, 2013

10 Things I Would Tell My 16 Year Old Self

Are you ready for another installment of my 30 things? Here it goes! If you have missed my last 3 posts then head over here for 20 random facts about me. Also, click here for my 3 most legitimate fears. If you want to know more go here to read about my relationship with my spouse.

10 Things I would tell my 16 year old self

Me at 16

1. Start eating healthy now! You will not like how big you get after having kids. yes, you become a mom!

2. Don't pay attention to those people who say your ugly, you are beautiful!

3. You are an amazing person and do not let them bully you. You are worth much more then you realize.

4. Stay in school! I know it is hard, and those girls make life more difficult then it has to be but you need to hold on. You will love college and staying in school will make it all less difficult.

5. That guy your seeing, you know that cute guy you just met? Keep him! He may drive you crazy and break your heart but he will be your husband one day and you will have a house and three amazing kids. It wont be easy to hang on but trust me it will be worth it.

6. Do not bother with the other guys. You know what I mean.

7. Say sorry to your mother.

8. Start working out! You will want to be in shape or else you will gain 70 lbs with that first kid. You may be thin, but trust me get some muscle!

9. You will want to be a midwife soon, so stay in school! Finish early and go right to college. These pre-requisites are taking me forever!

10. Try to be more outgoing. You will create more opportunities in life if you talk more and open up about how you feel. Stop hiding in the shadows and walk amongst the living. You will have plenty of time to be a zombie when you have three little ones running around.

Sincerely, 23 year old you.

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15 Baby Products You Can Live Without

There are so many baby products out there, and I can see how some moms get caught up in the hype of them. Honestly moms what products did you find had absolutely no use, or little use? 

So there may be some of these silly products that can be used, but I doubt they will be used longer then a few weeks. 

Personally I would rather receive items that give me more bang for my buck. All of the big baby items like crib, bassinet, boppy pillow, pack 'n' play etc. have been reused from my oldest child. No need to keep buying those things, unless you sell them or they are damaged. Although, if I had the money I would buy one of those co-sleeper beds. We co-sleep with baby girl and I love it. However, there are times I like to just put her in the bassinet by the bed so I can stretch out. 

Alright, so I have come up with this list of seriously silly, completely ridiculous, and downright not needed baby items to cross of your baby registry. 

If I missed anything let me know? What did you find you didn't need?

Top 15 Baby Items you DO NOT need

1. Baby Wipe Warmer- Seriously, this product is not needed. The world isn't perfect, and this is teaching your child the opposite. Sometimes you butt will get cold. Hold the wipe in your hand a few second. There you go, I just saved you $20.00. Life isn't perfect, so don't sugar coat it.

2. Bottle Warmer- I never used bottles, but if I had I would never use a bottle warmer. It is a silly expense. This is just as silly as a wipe warmer for similar reasons. Just skip it. They even make wipe warmer/bottle warmer combos now.

3. Changing Table- Confession time. I do own one. I probably used it a handful of times, and currently it is serving another purpose in our laundry room. The thing is it was made for us, not bought. It is a desk, re-purposed. If you think you will use it, then go for it. It is really unnecessary though.

4. Pee-Pee Teepee- 
Being that I am a mother of a boy and two girls, listen to me, you will get pee'd on by both. If you want to avoid those love piddles then just but a cloth over it. It is a cone you put over the penis to protect against pee getting into your face. A diaper change takes a few seconds, deal with it.

5. "Thudguard" Helmet-
The name says it all. This is just silly, kids stumble.

6. Swimming Neck Ring-
 Does this even sound safe? This product gives me nightmares. Its essentially a pool float you put around your babies neck. 

7. Her First Heels-
 As cute as you may think these are they come with a hefty price tag. 

8. The Babykeeper-
This thing looks dangerous, but that is not the reason I wouldn't own one. Having a child means you lose you free hands. If you can't have another adult hold your child then don't use a public restroom. Baby loves to be in your arms. 

9. Baby Perfume- Are you kidding me? They have this stuff on the market? Personally, I do not wear perfume while my kids are babies. They have eczema so I find it to irritate their delicate skin. This product at $35.00 a bottle is just not worth it. 

10. Baby Bathrobe-
You probably will never use these. I have some with tags still from my first child. 

11. The Peekaru-
I seriously laughed out loud when I saw this. It's a product for moms who baby wear. There is a little whole for you baby to peak out of. Essentially it is a snuggie for mom and baby. No, just no. 

12. Glider- You probably wont use this. I find my couch to be the best place to nurse, or in bed.

13. Bumbo seats- Never owned one, and I never will. Hold your baby in your lap, that is where they want to be after all. 

14. Baby Powder-  I think it's common knowledge that inhalation of talc baby powder can cause very serious breathing problems and even death. Talc is closely related to the potent carcinogen asbestos. Talc particles have been shown to cause tumors in the ovaries and lungs of cancer victims. If you've got it, toss it. Cornstarch-based powders are just as effective and much safer. And so many moms don't even use powder in any form, so it's not even necessary.

15. Bottle propping devices-
As I said before I never used bottles but I still find this to be ridiculous. Are you that busy to not hold your baby? That is just crazy. Your baby wants to be in your arms. If they cant hold the bottle themselves then you need to hold it for them. This is one of those products that gets under my skin. Same as when i see babies who can hold their bottles being put in the crib with them. Please do not do this. Both of these things are dangerous. 

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Thursday, January 3, 2013

Describe your relationship with your spouse

My oldest two children just went back to school today, after a long Christmas vacation. They were so excited too! I am trying to enjoy how much they love school right now, because as soon as they become teenagers I am sure it will be difficult to even wake them up in the morning. Which that I would not mind right now. If they go to bed late, they still wake up at 6 am.

Did I mention how much I hate the cold weather? It was 6 degrees (Fahrenheit) outside this morning.

Alright, so I am supposed to write about the relationship with my spouse. Personally I just think that is a private matter. So I wont be going into much detail. Every relationship has its high points and its low points. We have gotten through a lot in the last 8 years. We were kids when we met after all. I was only 15 years old. We have a bit of a gap in age, but that never defined us. I was always the mature one in the relationship. We helped each other grow and become better people.

He truly is an amazing father and I am so glad that he is the man I had my children with. I know that I will never find another man quite as caring as he is. He is my rock. The world just would not be the same without him in it. Somehow nothing seems to be able to break us apart. The struggles we have gone through would break up a lot of homes, but we manage to stay strong. I didn't exactly have my father around while growing up, but I wish mine was as great as my husband is.

There is a lot I can say about that amazing man that I call my husband but that is something that should be left  unknown. I do love him to death.

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New Year, New You! #gethealthy

As a family we have decided to have better eating habits and to get healthy. Being a mom of three children under the age 5 means that I have a little extra weight that needs to come off. After I had my son (child#2) I tried to lose weight. Even after I shed the baby weight from that pregnancy I still had 30 lbs from my first. That 70 lb weight gain was horrible! 

My body used to be slender, not stick figure skinny but I was in shape. Also, I was a teenager so I know my expectations for my body are pretty high considering. We all really need to eat better. That is where I failed. We have a goal for 2013 to get healthy and we are going to do it with the help of eMeals. No it isn't a weight loss program. Rather, it is a DIY sort of thing. 

eMeals has many different plan options to choose from.  Whether you want a classic meal plan, paleo, organic, vegetarian, low carb or a low fat plan there is something for you. You will also get a grocery list tailored to help cut your grocery bill down. 

My favorite part about it is not only the meals and recipes but the fact that it will help us get organised and save time.

Keep in mind that the below chart is not tailored for breastfeeding moms. A good rule of thumb is to add 300-500 extra calories for nursing moms. Also, sometimes if you reduce your fate intake you milk supple will decrease. So do that slowly, and pay attention to your body. It's a good idea to consult your doctor first before doing any dieting. 



Use these Tools to help you #gethealthy.


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 *This is a sponsored post, on behalf of the eMeals Blogger Network. I have been compensated via a one-year subscription to eMeals.com. All thoughts are 100% mine.*

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Wednesday, January 2, 2013

My 3 legitimate fears.

Get ready for another installment of my 30 things! I have to be honest, this one stumped me. I have many fears. Thinking of just three legitimate ones is just extremely difficult. Also being as indecisive as I am makes it almost impossible. These have to be my top three fears that I deal with a lot. Now don't laugh.

1. Zombies. I love zombie movies and the walking dead is my favorite show of all time. Often times I find myself waking from a deep sleep and having a panic attack because I had a nightmare that zombies were chasing me or my family. My nightmares can be amazingly scary. Zombies could probably be a metaphor but it still scares me. Maybe I watched too many horror movies or maybe it has to do with the fear below.

2. The dark. You know that feeling you used to get while you were trying to sleep and your closet door was open just a little. Yeah, I still get that horrible feeling. It gives me panic attacks. Actually right now my closet is slightly open and I am too chicken to look over. It's an irrational fear. One that just never left me when I grew up. Even walking in the hallway at night scares me. I have to turn every light on. It's horrible. I often times think to myself "is it even worth it to open my eyes." I seriously psyche myself out.

3. Crowds. Do you see a pattern here? Crowds give me horrible anxiety. It has gotten better since becoming a mom and I have never taken and medication for my anxiety. I refuse to while breastfeeding. Ever since I was little I would hide by myself. It's just my programming. I hate shopping because of it. The thought of shopping gives me anxiety. I hate staying home but I rather go crazy at home than out in a crowd. It's another irrational fear but I have no control over it. I just can't figure it out.

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20 random facts about me

Kelly over at Adventures in Fluff shared a link called 30 things my kids should know about me.  Since I am just getting started with this blogging thing, I figured this would be a great start. So here it goes.
Day 1: List 20 random facts about yourself
1. I have to wear socks 24/7. No matter what I'm doing. Even in the summer.
2. I hate having a messy house, but I just don't have the energy to clean it most of the time. 
3. I have 3 kids under 5 years old.
4. I want to become a midwife before I am 30.
5. I'm currently in school tackling the never ending pre-requisites for said career.
6. I live with the most amazing man in the world!
7. I taught myself how to sew.
8. I have had 3 Cesarean Sections.
9. I breastfed all of my children
10. They never used a bottle.
11. I had my oldest daughter when I was 18. 
12. I can play the flute.
13. Now that I am a mom I think that I turned into a much better person.
14. As much as I am told how great of a mom I am, I still feel like I stink at it.
15. I have to do my hair before leaving my house. 
16. Same goes with a little eye liner.
17. I am tired a lot.
18. I never had any pregnancy cravings.
19. I gained 70 lbs with my first child, 20 with my second and 10 with my third.
20. I’m extremely indecisive. I can take all day to decide what to eat. 

30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me

While reading a few of my favorite blogs, I came across a great post at Baby Making Machine.  This post was titled “30 things my kids should know about me.”  To me, this seems like a fabulous way to start the new year.  I am shooting for a post a day about each of the topics.  I have copied her list here for anyone who wants to join in. 
Here it is.

I will come back and link each post in the list below.


7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?
14. Describe 5 and weaknesses strengths you have.
15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. Describe your relationship with your parents.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?
24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?
29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Goodbye 2012

Looking back at 2012 I can say I am proud of myself.

I started the year off pregnant.

 I gave birth to a healthy 7.6 lb baby girl by C-Section on 9-10-12

 She truly is amazing

My children turned 3, and 4.

 Im currently nursing my third child. My kids are healthy. This year has been amazing. besides the fact that our truck decided to mess up today. Hundreds of dollars down the drain. But It is being fixed, and the kids were home with me when it happened.

Here are my goals for 2013

Lose 40 lbs of baby weight
Take a few college courses (midwife school here I come)
Enjoy my children
Get a new sewing machine :-)
Live life
My goals are not to serious, I need this. This year will be great. We need to hit it off with a bang.

Confession: I was bullied.

It really isn't something I talk about or actually have ever talked about. But I want to share my story on all the bullies I had in middle school. This comes straight from the heart and is honestly a very difficult thing to discuss. These are my words, my story, and my life.

She sat in the back of the classroom whenever she could. When the teachers would call on her she would freeze up and feel the warmth overcome her body. Her anxiety levels would rise to a dangerous peak. It was hard for her to be around people even without the drama the other children would cause her. School isn't supposed to be easy, but they made it unbearable. So unbearable that suicide was contemplated on more than one occasion. This 12 year old girl was so beautiful, talented, with a life of bliss ahead of her. Yet, that was not the life she had and was far too distant to see the light.

That little girl was me. I have felt the sharpness of a blade to my wrist. I have ingested too many pills to count. Alcohol was my crutch. Life was too hard to handle for a variety of reasons. Before you say, "Yeah, OK, life is supposed to be hard" think again. Too many people say "just get over it". Then you find that child did in fact take their own life. I was too much of a coward to even be a coward. Those girls broke me, yet I held on for a reason I didn't know at the time.

If you Google Bullying, you will find over 66,000,000 results.

I was harassed, I was bullied. To this day, I can't tell you why. I do not know that answer. Maybe I was too shy? I didn't have many friends? There was nothing wrong with me. They just chose to not like the cute little blond girl that stood before them. My mother said they were jealous. To this day, I do not think she understands how bad it was. (Sorry if you are finding this out now mom) I was miserable, that much was apparent. I did hide it well. There was only one person in the world new how far I felt from earth. She was my best friend. This person knows who she is. We went through the shift together.

To everyone I was a slut, a bitch, a whore. But for what? What did I do? I kept the same boyfriend for years. Yet I was the damaged girl. I kept my head down while I walked the hallways. My long blond hair was shielding my watering eyes. I was lonely, lost and forgotten.

I have been the little coward he ran from a group of girls. I hid from these monsters who were trying to "jump" me. Violence was not in my nature, and I saw no reason for it. What was the point?

Looking back 10 years I can tell you that I only stood up for myself once. It was probably not the best of ways to handle the situation. It was a spur of the moment thing. I was 13 years old. We were in the lunch line in middle school. One of my numerous bullies would be snickering behind me. I could hear her talking about me and saying how much my bra was stuffed. Oh please such a petty thing. Well, I did the silliest thing and I proved her wrong. I did not flash anybody but I pulled one of my 2 shirts open. You could tell there was NO way possible that I stuffed my bra. It got the point across and she stood there moth adjacent. Was it smart? No, but I felt much better. Did it stop the bullying? No, it just stopped that rumor.

My life was full of depression. I was never, okay. I was born sad. Is that even possible? As long as I can remember I would hide from the world. In my own little corner and my bedroom was my sanctuary. The bullying just made me worse. It made me who I am today. Ten years have passed and I have grown into an amazing adult. The wife of a great man, the mother of three amazing children and I am not afraid of the world. I still suffer every day from an ailment I will never know the reason for. I'll always be withdrawn. But I am who I am. I love me.
The person I am is great. I may not like to go out into crowds or be as outgoing as I wish I could be. But I take this road one step at a time. There will always be another mountain to climb. This life is mine and I will not let those who bullied me define my life. The mistakes I made along the way were my choice to make and each of them made me a better person.

When my children are old enough I will share with them my struggle. Hopefully they will listen and understand to not hide. Being open about bullying is important. If nothing is said then nothing gets done. My children will learn from me that this is unacceptable behavior. It has to be stopped, and it starts with our children. Teaching them how to behave in the world is important. They learn by example. Our children are a clean slate when born and it is our duty to teach wrong from right.